I turned 22 yesterday, woot woot!
I consider myself a positive person, the cup is always half full or whatever, there's always a brighter day ahead, oh yes! But, I've been breaking out like crazy on the right side of my face, and I have no idea why. I've been using an aggressive treatment of facial massages with tea tree oil and apple cider vinegar, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm really getting frustrated.
It was also Mother's Day yesterday, so I went home. I have box braids which usually cover my face, and occassionally, my hair would move away from my face, exposing my cheeks and my sisters would say "oh my gosh, what happened to your face?". It's just so obvious that my skin is a mess. I struggled with acne in my early teens, and I don't remember if it affected my confidence, although I'm sure it did, but this is just different. I'm trying to unpack my shallowness in order to understand why my confidence is so directly tied to my looks. I keep thinking to myself: what if I'm crossing the road, and get run over by a car, and lose both my legs, will a lot of my confidence be gone, just like that?
Still..whenever I look at my face in the mirror, all I see are the numerous bumps and what-nots.
Being positive
I'm the coordinator of my university's Food Bank. There's this older man who comes to the food bank whom I always found sort of annoying. He later told me that he was involved in an accident, and it will take him 10 years to complete his degree, but he only has 2 more years to go. He also shared that during tests and exams, he is allotted twice the time that students without disabilities get. This man always has a smile on his face and is always so positive. Today was one of those days, and the conversation we had got me thinking.
When he stopped by today, he asked how I was and when I asked about him, he said "you know, leaning forward". I was like "umm...whaat?" He explained that when he was younger (before his accident), he worked in the forest, and his boss would always say "lean into the wind". He uses that as a metaphor for being positive, you put one leg forward, and the other leg follows, and you keep moving forward.
I've got acne on one side of my face, but I have so much more to be thankful for, yet I choose to dwell on acne. I'm pretty pathetic, but I'm working on it.
